In Part 1 I introduced you to two men who have had a powerful influence on my life and career. The philosopher Paul Tillich introduced me to three fundamental questions in life:
- What’s wrong with men, women, and society?
- What would we be like if we were healed, whole, actualized?
- How do we move from brokenness to wholeness?
The psychiatrist Dr. Phil Stutz introduced me to the three unavoidable realities of life that we must all navigate and integrate, which I described in Part 1.
- The domain of pain.
- The domain of uncertainty.
- The domain of constant work.
“The three domains, in combination, unlock real magic, not fake power,” says Dr. Stutz. “Once you learn to move through pain, you will gain the ability to expand; once you contend with uncertainty, you will gain the ability to decide and create; and once you embrace constant work, you will gain the ability to be infinite.”
Meet Your Life Force
“Throughout my career,” says, Dr. Stutz, “I would often find my self confronted with a certain type of patient. Usually, it would be a middle-aged guy. He’d say something like ‘I can’t control my temper, my wife says I’m an addict, I gamble too much, I’m miserable, etc. And then he would say, ‘If only I knew why I was here, If I only knew my mission, I’d be motivated and able to do the things I know I should do. But I feel hopeless, because I don’t know how to find out what my mission is.’”
Instead of making a psychiatric diagnosis based on his symptoms, which Dr. Stutz (and I agree with him wholeheartedly) has limited utility, he would,
“Explain to him that I can’t tell him his mission, and that the source of knowledge about his life purpose isn’t in his head. Your Life Force is the part that’s going to point you toward your mission in life and why you’re here. It’s not something you think; you have to feel it.”
Most of us have a sense of our life force but at times of crisis we often tune out, become overwhelmed, you lose connection.
“The Life Force,” says Dr. Stutz, “is a profound and mysterious power responsible for intuition, identify, and recovery. By connecting with it, you’ll develop stronger instincts, though faith will be key to this transition.”
I found that when I’m feeling strong in body, mind, and spirit and do the practices I’ve learned over the years, I feel connected to my Life Force. But when I get off track, which we all do, I need to reconnect. As usual Dr. Stutz has a handy tool for this.
It is a three-part pyramid, starting at the base.
“You’re going to start by getting off your ass, turning the TV off, and walking around the block,” says Dr. Stutz.
- Get in touch with your body. Get moving. Exercise, walk, swim. Whatever makes you feel alive.
- Connect with others. When we’re feeling down and depressed, we hunger for someone else to magically fix us. Reaching out and doing something for others is a good start to get in touch with our Life Force. Find little ways to connect. Smile, talk to a stranger. Do something nice for your wife or kids.
- Be good to yourself. We often treat others better than we treat ourselves. Find ways to be good to yourself. Be kind. Watch the “self-talk” that is often negative. Take a warm bath, get a massage, whatever goodness you can give yourself is a blessing.
I believe the Life Force is most present in our connections with our bodies, other people, and ourselves. I have often think of it as a “golden thread” that connects me with life all that is.
There’s a poem by Parker J. Palmer that begins with a line from William Stafford, a mentor of Robert Bly, that helps ground me when I feel lost. It is called, Everything Falls Away.
EVERYTHING FALLS AWAY
There’s a thread you follow. It goes among
things that change. But it doesn’t change.
William Stafford
Sooner or later, everything falls away.
You, the work you’ve done, your successes,
large and small, your failures, too. Those
moments when you were light, alongside
the times you became one with the night.
The friends, the people you loved
who loved you, those who might have wished
you ill, none of this is forever. All of it is
soon to go, or going, or long gone.
Everything falls away, except the thread
you’ve followed, unknowing, all along.
The thread that strings together all you’ve
been and done, the thread you didn’t know
you were tracking until, toward the end,
you see that the thread is what stays
as everything else falls away.
Follow that thread as far as you can and
you’ll find that it does not end, but weaves
into the unimaginable vastness of life. Your
life never was the solo turn it seemed to be.
It was always part of the great weave of
nature and humanity, an immensity we
come to know only as we follow our own
small threads to the place where they
merge with the boundless whole.
Each of our threads runs its course, then
joins in life together. This magnificent tapestry –
this masterpiece in which we live forever.
Parker J. Palmer
I also like the simple poem The Way It Is by William Stafford, which inspired Everything Falls Away.
THE WAY IT IS
There’s a thread you follow. It goes among
things that change. But it doesn’t change.
People wonder about what you are pursuing.
You have to explain about the thread.
But it is hard for others to see.
While you hold it you can’t get lost.
Tragedies happen; people get hurt
or die; and you suffer and get old.
Nothing you do can stop time’s unfolding.
You don’t ever let go of the thread.
Understanding the Structure of Reality: Universe One and Universe Two
“There are two points of view, or conceptual frameworks, for understanding the universe or what reality really is,” says Dr. Stutz. “The value in Universe One is defined by mathematics. Anything dominated by mathematics, whether it’s a culture or religion, eventually becomes completely money driven.”
“Universe Two is a very different playing field,” says Dr. Stutz. “In Universe Two, money means nothing. Outcomes mean nothing. The only thing that matters in Universe Two is the present moment: This moment. The value of Universe Two is creating. The most valuable thing you can do is create something out of nothing.”
In Universe One, we see ourselves as “lone rangers,” separate entities, disconnected from the community of life, feeling we need to dominate and control nature, other humans, ultimately ourselves. It is a lonely, frightening world.
In Universe Two, we are deeply connected to everything — other people, the animals and plants, even the rocks, the wind, and the rain. We are never alone, we are part of something beautiful, infinite, and mysterious.
Tony Kushner, who wrote the Pulitzer Prize winning play, Angels in America, said,
“The smallest indivisible human unit is two people, not one; one is a fiction. From such nets of souls societies, the social world, human life springs. And also plays.”
Kushner recognizes that in many ways reality that dominates so much of our lives in modern times, Universe One, is a fiction. The main reasons humans are so self-destructive and miserable these days is that we have lost connection with Universe Two.
“Working you ass off, making lots of money, and retiring isn’t as good as the fantasy of Universe One,” says Dr. Stutz. “If you want to know who you really are, ask yourself what you would spend your time on even if you knew it would never make you any money.”
Dr. Stutz goes on to say,
“If you’re willing to give up part of your income for something else, whatever it is, then you’ve discovered your higher power. For example, I lose money when I work on developing these books, because, I can’t see as many patients.”
[Dr. Stutz charges $700 per hour for private therapy sessions. He has a well-known therapy practice in Los Angeles and is known for his celebrity clientele. His approach to therapy is often described as direct and results-oriented.]
In Part 3 of this series, I will describe more about the results-oriented tools that Dr. Stutz shares with his clients. If you haven’t already subscribed to my free weekly newsletter, you may do so here.
The post Phil Stutz, True Magic, & Healing ManKind: Helpful Tools for Today’s World – Part 2: Universe 1 and Universe 2 appeared first on MenAlive.